From always pushing on to finally breathing: how IFS therapy helped me recover from burnout

There was a period in my life when everything actually seemed to be going very well. I was climbing the career ladder, taking on more and more responsibilities, and getting to work on great projects. It was exactly what I had been working towards for years. At the same time, I noticed that work was starting to take up more and more space. Not only in my schedule, but especially in my head.

Whereas I used to be able to truly relax after a workday, my attention now remained constantly focused on everything that still needed to be done. Which emails still needed to be answered? Had I handled that conversation well? Had I forgotten anything? Every new responsibility felt like something I had to do well. Every meeting felt like something I could be judged on.

I was living more and more on adrenaline.

At first, that still felt productive. I got a lot done, was engaged, and ambitious. But slowly, that constant alertness began to take its toll. I slept worse, became overstimulated more easily, and noticed that I was becoming increasingly sensitive to stress. A simple email could feel as if something very urgent depended on it. As if I had to respond immediately. As if something would go wrong if I didn't. Even when I was sitting on the couch at home, I was often still working in my head. People talked to me, but I regularly noticed that I wasn't really listening. I was analyzing conversations from earlier that day, practicing responses for tomorrow, or devising scenarios for meetings that were yet to take place.

My body was at home. My head was everywhere but here.

My mission to become the most relaxed version of myself

Like many people, I first did what you do when you feel things aren't going well: I decided to solve it myself.

I would read books. Listen to podcasts. Meditate. Journal. Do breathing exercises. Read even more books. Another podcast. Maybe take a course. My mother sometimes calls me a self-cleaning coffee machine . As soon as something isn't running smoothly, I want to immediately understand what is going on and how I can fix it.

So off I went.

On a mission to become the most relaxed version of myself. Looking back now, the perfectionist in me actually had the time of his life. Because relaxing simply became my next project. Only it didn't work.

Of course, some things helped. The yoga. The meditation. The books. But somewhere, I felt like I kept going around in circles. I learned ways to deal with stress better, but I still didn't understand why my system was so tense in the first place.

The question that changed everything

Eventually, I decided to seek help. And not just any therapist, but an Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist .

What immediately appealed to me about IFS was that the question was not: "How do you get rid of this stress?"

But: "Why does a part of you feel that it has to work so hard?"

That was a question no one had ever asked me before. Because, to be honest, I had known for a long time that I was tired. I knew I needed to rest. I knew that not every email needed to be answered immediately. I knew that not everything was urgent. And yet, I did it. IFS helped me understand why.

The parts behind my burnout

Slowly, I discovered that different parts of me were active.

• A part that wanted to perform.

• A part that wanted to keep everyone happy.

• A part that was constantly preoccupied with what others thought of me.

• And a part that was convinced that making mistakes was simply not an option.

What perhaps surprised me most was that these patterns had not originated from my job or my busy schedule. Many of these parts were much older. Beneath all that hard work, I discovered younger parts of myself that still carried old beliefs and pain.

• Parts that believed deep down that they were not good enough.

• Parts that were afraid people would get angry with them if they made a mistake.

• Parts that had learned that appreciation had to be earned by working hard, being liked, and doing everything well.

Although I was an adult by then, those beliefs still lived on somewhere inside me.

And suddenly I began to understand why I was always switched on, why every meeting felt like a test, and why every email took top priority. And why rest felt so difficult. Because for these parts, it was never just about work. They were trying to protect me from something much older.

Why IFS therapy for burnout was so healing for me

That is exactly what I find so powerful about IFS therapy for burnout, stress, perfectionism, and people pleasing.

It is not just about managing stress better or setting more boundaries. It helps you understand why you cross your boundaries time and again, even when another part of you has known for a long time that it is not healthy.

For me, recovery didn't begin when I started trying even harder to relax. It began when I got to know the parts that believed relaxing wasn't safe.

The parts that thought my value depended on what I did. The parts that were afraid of rejection. The parts that were constantly seeking approval. The parts that had been trying for years to keep me safe by working harder, reacting faster, and keeping everything under control.

What changed was not that these parts suddenly disappeared. But they no longer had to work so hard. Because they were finally heard. Because I began to understand what they were trying to protect. And because there was room for something other than just carrying on.

More peace. More gentleness. More choice. The choice not to respond to that email immediately. The choice not to have to please everyone. The choice to rest without guilt.

For me, that is the strength of IFS.

Not that it teaches you how to become a better version of yourself. But that it helps you understand why you had to work so hard to feel safe.

And it was precisely in that that the real recovery began for me.

Why I Chose to became an IFS therapist: Healing the Wound, Not Just Managing the Symptoms

I decided to become an Internal Family Systems therapist because I experienced the power of this work myself and truly believe in it.

What resonated so deeply with me is that IFS doesn't teach you how to push difficult thoughts, emotions, or inner voices away. Instead, it helps you understand where they come from.

Many therapies give us tools to manage anxiety, self-criticism, perfectionism, or people-pleasing. IFS goes deeper. It goes to the source.

Rather than fighting those parts of ourselves, we learn to listen to them, understand what they're protecting, and heal the wounds underneath. And when those wounds heal, those voices begin to transform.

You don't always have to keep going.

Do you recognize yourself in this story? Always switched on, always busy, and knowing deep down that you actually need rest? Then I especially want to tell you that you are not alone. For me, recovery didn't start when I tried even harder to relax. It started when I discovered why a part of me struggled with that so much.

The parts of you that have worked so hard all these years might not need another vacation, app, or self-help book. Maybe they finally want to be heard.

Do you feel this resonates? Then you are very welcome to get in touch with me and explore together what lies beneath your stress, burnout, perfectionism, or people-pleasing.